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NEED ADVICE: PREGNANT FOR 1ST TIME & NEWLY SINGLE
Started by VIKKIVILLE at 12-01-2006 11:58 PM. Topic has 1 replies.

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  12-01-2006, 11:58 PM
VIKKIVILLE is not online. Last active: 1/12/2006 11:47:06 PM VIKKIVILLE

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Joined on 12-01-2006
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NEED ADVICE: PREGNANT FOR 1ST TIME & NEWLY SINGLE
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Hi everyone

I'm 26, pregnant with my first child and newly single following the break down of my relationship with the baby's father. He became vile when I fell pregnant - despite trying for a baby at his insistance!

Anyway, my ex is unreliable, volatile, unstable, a convicted criminal (for a v.serious offence), an ongoing serious fraudster who associates with very unsavoury characters, has very dubious opinions on parenting (he has 2 children already who he often lets down and then tries to "buy off" with gifts - 100's of £'s worth at a time) and is very unpredictable in a very scary way. WHY was I with him and why did I agree to trying for a baby - God only knows. But, baby is coming and I'm very happy about it!

My issue is this: I want my baby to have a relationship with it's father BUT I want it to have my surname (his is very well known locally) and I wish to appoint a legal guardian should anything happen to me in the future. I had two cousins who were orphaned 18 months ago and as no one in the family could care for them (I tried, couldn't afford it at the time, my parents tried and couldn't cope) they were adopted. The thought of my baby being adopted makes me sick and my ex having sole custody & responsibility is too scarey to imagine! I wish to appoint someone who will ensure the future of my child should anything ever happen to me and I need to do this legally. What do I do?

 


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  16-01-2006, 1:13 PM
Jay is not online. Last active: 7/12/2007 9:10:50 AM Jay

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Joined on 20-09-2005
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Re: NEED ADVICE: PREGNANT FOR 1ST TIME & NEWLY SINGLE
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This sounds too familar for words.

Ok, I've been though similar.

 1. You are the one that registers the child, the father will only be put on the certificate if he is there with you, can I also advise you not to put him on as the will over-ride any legal guardian you put in place. As such you can easily register your baby in your name. If a fathers name is not on the birth certificate they have to either get you to sign a document giving them parental responsiblity or  go through the court to get the court to give it too him ( just incase make sure you have a good record of his criminal record and ANY VIOLENCE or trouble to ward you is reported to the police). On the negitive side my experience is that the courts do not care if they are violent toward the mother (if when they are holding the baby), or have a violent temper.

 2.How do you creat a guardian, its simple you write a will, you your that worried my I also say a living will incase you are incapacitated stating that you wish such and such to be your child legal guardian.

 

I know you say you want your baby to know its father but do think hard about this if he is as you say are you sure that is in the baby's best interest. As I say I was in a similar position, my choice was different I looked into all the research which left me with that if the child never knows its father it is better off, do better at school and have better relationships when they are older, its different if they know their father then it happens the effects are very bad.

My advise is follow your heart, your a mum now (or at least will be soon) you will know whats best for your child, trust your instincts.And don't let this both you too much.

Big Hug

 


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