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Re: Oh the joys of having an ex-husband!! Started by Clara at 24-11-2008 12:26 PM. Topic has 2 replies. Single Mum Surv... » Single Mum Surv... » Help & Advice » Re: Oh the joys of having an ex-husband!!

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24-11-2008, 12:26 PM Clara Joined on 24-11-2008 Posts 3 Oh the joys of having an ex-husband!! " src="/forums/emoticons/emotion-1.gif">I want to ask for some advice, words of encouragement etc etc.  I have an 8 year old son & am currently having some difficulties with my ex husband.  He was a really bad father for the first few years of my sons life & hardly ever around whilst battling an addiction. He is now thankfully well again, has a new partner & recently another child. I am so pleased that for the past 2 years my son has had a father there for him. My son now loves seeing him & of course his new baby sister which I think is great & have always encouraged. We have always been civil to each other & I am genuinely pleased he has found happiness with a new partner but recently he has been quite awkward and tries to make out that he is the better parent as he now has a family. When he was ill with his addiction, even when we weren’t together id still help him out, drive him around (as he lost his licence), cook him the odd meal etc etc as he was getting quite depressed, I don’t know now why I bothered. After many years of him not being around, he now acts very righteous. He somehow forgets how bad he was in the past & what terrible things he put me through when trying to bring up a young baby. All I have is my sons best interests at heart. He’s a great little boy & we have a fantastic relationship. I am currently single but have a great family & lots of good friends around me & although I would like to meet someone special I am happy & enjoy life. Anyway, the crux of the matter is; he recently brought my son a nintendo wii for his birthday, but will not let my son bring it home instead keeping it at his house. My son is only with his dad 2 days out of 14 so it seems very unfair to give a child a present they can hardly play with. Is that fair??? I feel the main reason he wont let him bring it home as he doesn’t want me to play with it.  My son now wants another one for xmas from me but I just cant afford it & don’t understand why any child would need 2!! Am I being unreasonable? I don’t understand when for so many years I did so much to help him due to my caring nature & now he is being quite rude to me & sends me nasty texts trying to get me down. I am quite sensitive, therefore I do let things get to me. The whole situation does upset me but in general im a happy person & try to be positive.  I just want to give my son the best life possible. Not that my ex has said it but its like they want my son to live with them to complete the happy family & the fact that my self esteem is low at the moment, it scares me. Im sure this would never happen as I know deep down my son is happy with me & we have a very close bond. I just cant stand this game playing & trying to buy affection! All I want is for my son to be happy & not feel like he’s stuck in the middle trying to please both of us!! Anyway, I could go on forever……any advice, helpful tips…?? " src="/forums/emoticons/emotion-1.gif">    Report

25-11-2008, 8:26 AM Jay Joined on 20-09-2005 Posts 106 Re: Oh the joys of having an ex-husband!! First things first you sound like an amasing mum, that has always put whats best for her son before herself. Do not take anything to heart from your ex, it sounds more like he has a problem and is feeling inadiquate/left out and is taking it out on you for no better reason than he can. Good parents and happy people don't put others down, that is the first sign that things are going seriously wrong. It proves he is not acting like the good parent he is claiming to be. Don't let it get to you. It is nothing to do with you!!!! Have you thought he may be feeling left out and unwanted by his partner whilst she looks after her new baby. Keeping the game at his may be more about him wanting one and using your boy as an excuse to buy it for himself. If it really is your sons (not your ex's), if your son (not you) asks to take it home with him, his dad would let him! (if he was half the dad he is claiming to be). my advise: Don't let your ex get to you! Your a great mum, believe in yourself! Be completely honest with your son about why you can't afford expensive gifts You are a strong lady who has done so much on her own. Regcognise how well you've done. Look at your son and be proud of what a good job YOU have done pretty much on your own Big hug Jay    Report

26-11-2008, 10:17 AM Clara Joined on 24-11-2008 Posts 3 Re: Oh the joys of having an ex-husband!! Hi Jay Thanks so much for your lovely message back. What you've written makes such sense and reinforces what my friends and family tell me. I think im the lucky one having my little boy with me the majority of the time. I really appreciate your words of wisdom and I am starting to realise that I am a good mum & im determined to not let a certain person get to me. I think us single mums do an amazing job juggling everything. Thanks again, I really appreciate it  x    Report

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