 10-11-2008, 12:00 PM
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Jay
Joined on 20-09-2005
Posts 106
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Re: Making children feel valued when dad doesn't want to know
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I always tell my son, how lucky he is as he gets to chose who his daddy is.
I ask who he wants to be his daddy and we have ended up with a few of my friends being called daddy dave and daddy james etc.
My boy for the pass few years has been desperate for a sibbling and the hardest part was explaining that mummy can't do it on her own again, he would need to help mummy fund a boyfriend to be come a husband, who would then become his daddy and the baby he wants me to have's daddy. He finds this perfectly acceptable, as he's never known anything else.
Make the effort to make being a single family normal to them, when they're little tell them the two of you are just like Kanga and Roo ( from winnie the poo). Make the effot to watch things like harry and his bucket full of dinosaurs where it is a single mum situation but portraid as perfectly normal.
If you can get it in to your head, thats its nothing to worry about and perfectly normal, your little one will just accept it as such. Just remember especially in the early years they pick up on your emotions and worries, if it doesn't worry you it wont worry them.
My personal view is dad not wanting to know is easier to cope with and better for the child than either a dad that is dangerous or a dad that is inconsistant. Not turning up when expected will make a child feel unwanted far more than not having them their to start with. What they don't know they wont miss.
Look to the positive of your situation and you will be able to make it work for you
I hope that helps a bit, you will find your own way of explaining things and it will be fine.
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