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Re: Anyone want a buddy? Started by rachelja at 02-12-2007 1:25 PM. Topic has 7 replies. Single Mum Surv... » Single Mum Surv... » Help & Advice » Re: Anyone want a buddy?

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02-12-2007, 1:25 PM rachelja Joined on 02-12-2007 Posts 1 Anyone want a buddy? Hi, I have just found this site and wld love someone to talk to/email/PM etc. My ex left last week leaving me with our 4year old daughter and our 11 week old son. I do have help from my parents and a couple of good friends. Apart from that I feel soooo lonely and don't know anyone in the same situation. Someone to discuss and share things with would be sooo good. I would love to hear how other people manage etc.... So if anyone out there feels the same pls get in touch. Ta Rachel    Report

05-12-2007, 10:22 PM heatherblackscottie Joined on 25-05-2007 Posts 2 Re: Anyone want a buddy? Hi I am alot futher down the road than you - my kids where 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 at the time 8 years ago !!! but if you want l would love to speak yo you .. J    Report

06-01-2008, 8:09 PM mich31 Joined on 06-01-2008 Posts 1 Re: Anyone want a buddy? Hi Rachel, I just found this site and found your message and you sound just like me! My husband left at the end of September when our daughter was 5 and a half months and since then I have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and really scared as to how I will cope on my own. I go back to work tomorrow following 9 months of maternity leave and I've been very tearful today as it all seems very daunting but my New Years resolution was to think positively so I'm really really trying! Anyway would love to chat if you still fancy it. Take Care Mich    Report

14-01-2008, 9:34 PM jafdp Joined on 14-01-2008 Posts 2 Re: Anyone want a buddy? And i'm even further down the road! My daughter was 6 (now 12) when HE left. How did I get through? Not sure really, but you do......something , from somewhere pulls you through....and this time next year you can look back at this and smile and wonder "did I really feel like that!" So, retrospectively I can talk to you......and I can tell you it will all be OK....and so will everyone else......and you won't see it because you are right in the moment - here and now.....but I PROMISE YOU it will get better - you have to adopt a completely new approach - LOOK OUT FOR NUMBER ONE...........financially, emotionally, physically - you have to be hard, rational, and to a degree, unfeeling.....because despite what you think, he is going through "something" himself......I don't know the reasons he left you - but as sure as eggs are eggs, there will come a time, whether it is tomorrow, next week, next month, next year....he is going to have a wakeup call.......and in typical man-fashion, he is going to come back.....for whatever reason.......and you have to be strong - hold on to the feeling that you have RIGHT NOW and promise yourself that you are never going back there - regardless of how tough the future may be. Just hold on.    Report

06-04-2008, 10:10 PM k4885 Joined on 06-04-2008 Posts 4 Re: Anyone want a buddy? yep - would love a friend sitting here on my own - my 6 months old daughter is asleep upstairs and my ex is in Ausralia where is now living having wallked out when our daughter was 11weeks old. I dont hear from him much and he hasnt paid a cent ( I wouldnt mind but he is loaded ) - found out he was a cocaine addict etc when he does contact me he is abusive - although I feel very lonely and hurt and if im honest a bit afraid of the future Ive come to the conclusion he is a scum bag - still he gave me a beautiful baby girl which he will never get to know ( He isnt that interested ) I have good days and bad days - ive tried to stop myself from trying to get inside his mind. I focus on the future and what adventures that will bring for my daughter and I ........ I hope you are well - would be nice to hear from you    Report

19-08-2008, 10:32 PM Bumblebee Joined on 19-08-2008 Posts 1 Re: Anyone want a buddy?    Report

19-09-2008, 11:35 PM Helen10 Joined on 19-09-2008 Posts 1 Re: Anyone want a buddy? Hi rachel, saw your post and had to email. My husband walked out on me and our two daughters age 4 and 20 months at the end of july. I have since discovered he had been having an affair for 4 months before he left and he has now told me that he is in love with her and they are planning to move in together. It has hit me hard because I am still coming to terms with everything that has happened, look after our girls and slowly build up my strength while he has walked straight into a new ready built life with someone else with hardly a backwards glance. I live in Devon and my family are from oxford so apart from a couple of friends I don't have much of a support network and don't know any other single mums. I also get very very lonely and low especially in the evenings. Would be good to chat and help each other through! How have you explained things to your 4 year old? Helen    Report

14-10-2008, 8:05 PM BeverleyS Joined on 14-10-2008 Posts 1 Re: Anyone want a buddy? Hi Rachel (and everyone who has since responded) I've found myself in a similar situation to many of you.  I have a beautiful 18 month old daughter and had my world turned upside down in May of this year when my husband told me he simply didn't love me anymore.  We tried counselling but he obviously wasn't making any effort.  Just as things started to improve I found out he'd been having an affair.  Since then, he's consistently lied to me and left in July.  The whole thing came as a massive shock to me.  I knew things weren't perfect but I never, ever in my wildest dreams suspected there was anyone else.  I still don't know how long the affair was going on for, but with hindsight, I can see he'd checked out of the marriage from as early as August last year.  Like anyone, I have really bleak moments but I'm trying really hard to see the positives now.  Initially, I was willing to sanction anything to have him back.  But I'm able to think a bit more clearly now and I'm wondering why I would want someone back who treated me with so little respect (not just the affair but in day to day life).  I'm slowly beginning to get my self-esteem and confidence back - something I thought I'd lost because I had a baby and had simply become "Phoebe's mum" but I now realise was largely due to the things that were missing in my marriage. Rachel - it's very early days for you and I would imagine much more difficult with a young baby.  I'd be happy to chat and support each other.  The only tip I can think of right now - last week I bought the book "Kate and Emily's Guide to Single Parenthood".  I feel like it's my bible now.  It explained to me exactly what I'm likely to be going through and really inspired me to take control of the current situation.  Things will get better. Bev x    Report

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