 07-08-2008, 8:25 AM
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Jay
Joined on 20-09-2005
Posts 107
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Listen to your daughter! If she doesn't like going take note of why.
He has set visiting times, if he can't be bothered to keep to them, fine he looses them. It's not likie your daughter wants to be there, if he can't be bothered to turn up, why should she be made to suffer. Visits are not about the fathers rights they are about the childs right.
Your mention of domestic violence rings alarm bells with me, children pick up on peoples moods and they know when someone means those they love harm. Is she scared of him.
If they want to live abroad this will be good for you but your daughter is 4 not 16, going on foreign holidays with out you are not an option. Plan and simple, again she doesn't like being with them and you have to put your daughters safety first. It may be best that its a clean break at this point? is he going to pay maintenance from abroad, I doubt it from what you've said. So if he doesn't care enough to provide for her, why would she want to see a strange for a week every year (as thats what he will become to her).
Do not put your life on hold because of your ex. if you were saying you didn't want to move because your daughter has just started school or you didn't want to leave your friends/family thats one thing but not to accomidate your ex.
Remind yourself your ex is not your friend he probably enjoys knocking you down, ignore him. Your only concern is your daughter and yourself. She's not happpy with visits, maybe with school coming up so fast you start taking control of visits. Your daughter needs to be happy and feel safe, visits need to be to timetable so she can have a life, its not fair for your ex to take her childhood away from her waiting for him.
As for cancelling why not, so what if he blames you, all you say is she's upset and doesn't want to see you today, we'll see you next visit. Its about your daughter, not what he wants. Your going to have to be strong.
As for maintanence have a chat to CSA. And maybe look at reducing the visits, its a good excuse for your ex and point out how unhappy beginning with him and his girlfriend may her. Suggest less visits but that he makes them more special just the two of them (take her out for a day with out the girlfriend), as so with them planning to leave maybe over night stays aren't a good idea. She needs stability before she starts school.
Rememeber if he's leaving the country, its better he eases back anyway so its less of a shock to her.
What ever you do, but you and your daughter first, not what your ex thinks are his rights.
Big hug and stay strong
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