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Re: can anyone offer me some advice please Started by polly at 01-11-2007 1:01 PM. Topic has 3 replies. Single Mum Surv... » Single Mum Surv... » Other » Re: can anyone offer me some advice please

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01-11-2007, 1:01 PM polly Joined on 01-11-2007 Posts 2 can anyone offer me some advice please Im 21, have just split up with my fiance of 2 years, have moved back in with my mum who is currently undergoing chemotherapy for *** cancer, and I have just discovered I am pregnant. The father wants me to have an abortion which I dont want to do but if I keep it no-one will ever ever be able to know it is his. Can somebody please give me a pearl of wisdom cause right now Im so alone and no-body knows about any of this! I haven't even told my mum yet! Thanks, Polly x    Report

01-11-2007, 1:42 PM Jay Joined on 20-09-2005 Posts 106 Re: can anyone offer me some advice please Ok, your head will be rocketing about right now, you need to calm down and you do need to share with someone, as you need a hug. If you want to go ahead with this, you might as well tell your mum now, and you do need the support. Can i ask why no one will ever knows its his? You have already told him, so its already out, even if he wants you to abort he may change his mind halfway through and deciding he's going to be involved. You do need to be ready for this possiblity. If you can keep it quiet and thats what you want go for it, but you are going to have to think of an answer when ppl start asking who the father is. But lets see what we can do for you, tonight I want you to relax, go to the cinema with a friend or something, you need to clear your head (no alcohol though). Then tomorrow you need to start working out a plan for the future and contacting the doctor so they can set you up with the midwife. Look at your finances and where you and a baby are going to live. Pick up a pregnancy and birth magasine get a feel for whats going to happen to you. Do you have a job? Your not going to need to tell them for quite a while yet but do think about is there anything you do in your job that is goin got be risky as you go on with this. I have loads more advise, if you want it but I think you have more than enough to start with, but right now the best thing you can do is go and talk it through with your mum. Big hug    Report

08-11-2007, 11:32 PM polly Joined on 01-11-2007 Posts 2 Re: can anyone offer me some advice please thank you so much for your advice! I told my mum, she was thrilled! I went to the doctor and have got my 1st antenatel appointment on the 29th nov! its all very scary! I have no idea what even happens at antenatel! I daredn't ask my mum in case she thinks Im thick! I have a job but still dont feel financially ready to support this child. The reason no one can ever know who the father is, is because it isn't my ex's as everyone (including him) with think. its someones whom I shouldnt have slept with in the first place. I dont believe in abortion, I never have. I want to keep this baby but am feeling so pressured to give it up. The father is making it very difficult for me to feel happy about it, so far I just feel depressed. Is this normal? Surely I should be on top of the world, Ive just found out Im going to be a mum!    Report

12-11-2007, 8:57 AM Jay Joined on 20-09-2005 Posts 106 Re: can anyone offer me some advice please Your entire world just turned on its head of course your scared! Don't beat yourself up over it, and remember your pregnant your emotions are going to be up and down like a yoyo whilst your body does its job. It may be an idea to pop to the library get a book out on pregnancy, the more you understand about whats going on the easier you will find it. You may also want to look at vitamin suppliments for pregnant woman, as your body has a lot of work to do. Do not let Mr Biological rain on your parade! Try and enjoy this as much as you can, I'm not going to tell you it isn't going to be hard at times but it will also be wonderful. Right lets look at your finances, you should get maternity pay (assuming your job is a permanent contract), you will also get child benifit when the baby arrives and you will be eligable for child/working tax credit (which will be enough to cover child care, if you work over 30 hours a week). Things for the baby, your not going to need as much as you think, all the magasine are going to tell you, all this stuff you need and most of its a waste of money, if you have any friends with little ones they may lend you stuff and there id freecycle, other than that you need to think about how you are going to do it. My advise is no travel systems a waste of money instead go for a pushchair suitible from birth that is easy to handle, don't both with cot bed expense and pointless, travel cot then into a real bed is easier. I'm so glad your mums pleased for you, it good to know you have the support you need at home. As for your anenatel, all it will be is asking some questions finding out about your family history etc and may be taking some blood, they will also ask which hospital you want to have the baby in so they can set up a scan. Feel free to ask any silly questions, I did my pregnancy on my own, I understand how scarey it can be Big hug    Report

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