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He left me because of my kids Started by RoseMcG at 15-07-2005 4:03 PM. Topic has 9 replies. Single Mum Surv... » Single Mum Surv... » Dating » He left me because of my kids

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15-07-2005, 4:03 PM RoseMcG Joined on 15-07-2005 Posts 1 He left me because of my kids I had been going out with a guy for a year and a half when he ended the relationship abruptly two weeks ago, citing the reason as "I couldn't give you what you wanted." i.e. a live-in relationship perhaps leading to us having children together. He's nine years my junior, and said that he was nowhere near ready for that sort of commitment. It might have been different if I hadn't had kids already, but the commitment involved is just so much greater because of them. That's his perogative, but it has left me sad and heartbroken, and wondering whether I'll ever meet someone who can "give me what I want." Much as I love my children, I find it hard not to be a little resentful that, with life as a single mum hard enough already, to top it all I can't even find a guy who'll stick around. Is anyone else in the same boat?    Report

19-07-2005, 5:21 PM minnie Joined on 19-07-2005 Posts 1 Re: He left me because of my kids HiRose,   I saw your comment and understood where you came from on this one.  Like you I had also been with a man for the same length of time when I told him to leave.  He unlike your former partner had kids, but became resentful of mine and became incredibly nasty to them. Its easy to feel resentful with your own children as sometimes all you want is some time for yourself to start a new uninterrupted meaningful relationship.  However, it was when I threw the guy out that I realised just how important my kids where and that nothing would ever change the dynamics of our relationship.  If someone comes along now, he will have to be pretty special to enter our family.  Put your children first, make no apologies for them and hold your head up high.  I'm sure you are an amazing mum getting through all the daily challenges like me.  We are special and so are our children and don't take second best! Your new man will appear one day when you least expect it! Take care minnie x      Report

19-07-2005, 8:57 PM jackie67 Joined on 19-07-2005 Posts 1 Re: He left me because of my kids Hi Rose I think i am pretty much in the same boat as you, i had been with my guy for two and half years when we had yet another argument over the fact that i wasnt allowed to have any thing to do with his son who he sees every fortnight citing the reason as " i only see him once a fortnight and i want to spend quality time with him" fair enough but the fact that he lived with me and my two young boys and was a very big part of their lives, yes i wanted to be a part of his sons life to, all go out together as a family. Anyway he too also said " i cant give you what you want" and i too am left sad and heartbroken and wondering if i will ever meet that mr right, as yes as much as we love our kids i somtimes want to be jackie not just mum.         Report

17-03-2006, 12:54 PM busby Joined on 27-01-2006 Posts 4 Re: He left me because of my kids Hi Rose   Sorry to hear about you recent split   A little bit of hope, i recently got married to a lovely beautiful girl Suz, who has accepted my 2 girls completely, The point is Suz had made a decision that she didn't want children, even to the point of having the op, but in her words when she met me the fact that i had children wasn't important, at first she was a bit unsure, but was honest about that, within weeks she missed them when they wasn't around, within a year she was their mother in everything but blood and now cant imagine life any other way when it is right children are not an obstacle, but are often used as one when other things are wrong your match will come. don't look for it, just enjoy the time you have alone with your children, its precious.    Report

28-03-2006, 11:24 AM Ruth Joined on 28-03-2006 Posts 2 Re: He left me because of my kids Well, so once again we're not alone, are we? I've just been dumped in the old style - he needs time to think things through. At first I was really upset, heart broken even, he was the one, he was different and all that stuff they always say to you. The reality, they want an easy life and even if they think they love you, reality comes knocking on their door when they realise how hard is life as a single mum and how hard is sometimes to fit in that kind of life. And then they go back to their old simple, comfortable lives. But let me tell you something...my kid is the most important thing in my life. He's for real. And I've made the decision for my ex...no thinking time here, I don't get much of that myself why should I allow him to have it. Decision time. I'm moving on. I'm not waiting for him to make up his mind. I'm gonna live my life, without pause but without hurry. And I know sometimes you really hope you'll find someone to share your life with, the one...shouldn't we all know better? And for those men out there scared of a challenge...Wish you all the luck with your life! And for all of us, the fighters, let's bring up beautiful little people to this world!    Report

12-04-2006, 11:07 PM Julie Joined on 12-04-2006 Posts 4 Re: He left me because of my kids Hey Ruth, thats a great reply! I split up from my ex husband over 6 years ago.  I have two children, 6 and 9 and they are just great.  I must admit though it has definately got easier as they have got older and I am enjoying them more now.They are so much fun and the greatest little people ever! In six years I have dated 2 serious guys.  The first one was great with my children and I'm sure was very fond of them but he made me feel that I should be very grateful to him to "take us on".  At the time, self esteem was pretty low afetr the aftermath of a messy divorce and believd that there would be very few men out there prepared to accept me with two children. In the end I struggled with his concept and thought that if that was how he felt I didn't want to feel he was doing me any favours so we split up!!   A couple of years later I met a man who appeared to be what I was looking for but after a year he began to develop the same view as my previous partner that there wasn't many guys out there that would take us on.  Once again because he was the second man to say this to me I doubted that I would ever meet anyone who would feel differently and that it actually was a privaledge that we were letting him into our life!! To cut a long story short we split up. Now the good news is that I have known a  man for over a year through a group of friends just as friend but in the past few months we have stated dating.  It feels very different and he absolutely loves spending time with me with my two children as well as just with me.  He has taken my son to see Man Utd off his own back and I think that is great. So the two idiots I dated were wrong!  The way I see it is that they are lucky that we invite them into our lives,  and certainly not that they are taking us on!!!!!!      Report

13-04-2006, 11:38 AM Ruth Joined on 28-03-2006 Posts 2 Re: He left me because of my kids Hey there!! Thanks. I was feeling very inspired that day. I did hear from him after his thinking exercise and guess what...he really likes me and I am an amazing person but he can't adapt to the fact I am a mum...???!!!??? I guess it's difficult for them to understand they won't get your whole attention all the time and they have to share it with those little beautiful people that crash your living room once in a while. Like if being a mum was something bad! Being a coward, that's bad!! We go back to the easy life theory. Enjoy! I always thought it would be very difficult to find someone to share my life with after my divorce. And I really thought he was the exception to all those stories you hear...well how wrong was I? So yes, I am angry and disappointed and disgusted. And sometimes I feel lonely but most of the time I feel special because I am strong and I don't run away and I fight. And after a while you realise you don't really need anybody to share your life with but your kids. And I don't want to sound negative (I guess it might have something to do with the weather...where's the sun?), so here's my thought of the day: Let's take it slowly and enjoy watching them growing up because they do grow up fast and I don't want to miss a thing...not for anything, not for anybody! Talk to you soon! Ruth        Report

18-04-2006, 5:01 PM Julie Joined on 12-04-2006 Posts 4 Re: He left me because of my kids Well Ruth,   How wrong was I!!! The man I have been saying nice stuff about was such a mean and awful person over the easter bank holiday.  I give up.  Once again I am sposed to feel greatful that he spares his time for me.  I just cant believe it.  Maybe I am not the best judge of character in the world but now I belive in the phrase "dont talk too soon."   I am gutted and feel so sad... once again!!       Report

16-04-2008, 11:32 AM tasjayted Joined on 16-04-2008 Posts 1 Re: He left me because of my kids LOL the father of my children has just left me cause of the kids. I am 7.5 months pregnant with our second and he can't deal with it so here I am soon 2 have 2 girls and nobody around.... I love my daughter but sometimes I feel like this new baby has messed everything up... I know I will love her when she is born but it is hard not to feel trapped    Report

17-04-2008, 3:53 PM Jay Joined on 20-09-2005 Posts 107 Re: He left me because of my kids I think you need to remind yourself that if he's not man enough to be there for his children, he's not worth having. Have your girls be their whole world and when your ready find yourself a man worth having. This isn't a trap it sounds more like a lucky escape for you and your little ladies. big hug. X (when are you due?)    Report

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